When the fear of disappearing meets the fear of being seen

I initially thought I’d started the blog as a way to pass the time, for the love of writing—nothing more. Apparently, I was wrong! 😅😅

The questions I got about the blog made me reflect on why I hadn’t been consistent, giving me a reason to dig a little deeper.

Here’s what I realized:

According to the DSM-5, anxiety is described as “excessive worry occurring for at least six months about a number of events or activities, where the person finds it difficult to control the worry.” (Source:  DSM-5 - Anxiety)

Anxiety doesn’t necessarily align with reality or logical outcomes. Yet, it persists. Each person responds to it differently, and for me, it manifested as freezing up and avoiding what I initially wanted to do. Thoughts like, “Who’s going to read this anyway?” crept in, opening up a can of insecurities.

Getting out of one’s head sounds simple, but actually doing it? That’s a question I’m still exploring. I thought it might start with nurturing myself, spending time with loved ones, and surrounding myself with people who inspire me.

However, as time passed, that didn’t seem to be enough. Don’t get me wrong—my tribe knows I would go the extra mile for them, and I take care of myself as best as I can. But I realized I want to leave something tangible behind. I began fearing that I’d leave this world without making a deep enough impact. At the same time, another question keeps me from moving forward: “Do I want to be seen?”

Have you ever dealt with these this paradox? Or perhaps, another one? How did you deal or are you dealing with it?